Tribune

WHILE George Osborne’s policies may be laughable, as his performance at the Conservative Party conference demonstrated, he is a clown but no stand-up comedian. He made a “joke” that anyone who thought he should tax supermarkets was off their trolley (that would be Zac Goldsmith, then), which possibly no one could have made funny. However, one man who could surely bring a smile to Tory faces is their old mucker Jim Davidson. The man who once gave £5,000 to Iain Duncan Smith when he would have been better off flushing it down the toilet, along with his career, was recently thrown off ITV’s Hell’s Kitchen for homophobia. He threatened to leave Britain if Labour won the 1997 general election and, to the dismay of nobody, finally did so when he relocated to Dubai in 2004. Curiously, he has been absent from recent Tory stunts to rebrand themselves as bearable, but perhaps they should have him on stand-by as the Conservative London mayoral candidate for when Boris Johnson makes one faux pas too many. Or perhaps they’d like to go back to Lord Jeffrey Archer, the noted liar and perjurer.