Movie Speak: How to Talk Like You Belong on a Film Set by Tony Bill
Workman, £6.99
COME on, admit it! You want to be a star. You’re desperate to eat at The Ivy – and not pick up the bill. Or simply be an icon. Or both. In this stupefying and never ending age of mindless celebrity, it is your rightful place to join Jordan and Will Young on the red carpet.
But what if you want to aim even higher? Let’s pretend for a second (everyone else does, so why not you?) that you’ve finally made it to Hollywood. You’re the next Jude Law or Kate Winslet.
Are you going to last the pace? Or are you going to be laughed off set on your first day of filming? Nobody gives a damn about that diploma from RADA or LAMDA. The real question is are you talking their jargon, and do you feel at ease with make-up and the crew?
Because, let’s face it, the likes of Roger Moore and a whole battery of American superstars never let their ability concern them too much. Most of those forever grinning starlets on American television couldn’t act their way into a Saturday morning session at Stagecoach.
Did you ever see Bo Derek in 10 or Susan George in Tomorrow Never Comes? Thought not. Truly diabolical. But while they may not have been able to walk the walk, they sure as Clark Gable could talk the talk.
You see, what we have here is a question of fitting in, of looking the part. If I was to tell you that what we really need is a “seagull” at this stage of the movie, would you look skywards – or would you look lost?
What I’d actually be saying, according to Movie Speak, is that the director should have inserted any generic, meaningless cutaway just to change direction, or gently move on. The concept can be anything you want, as long as you get away with it. A sweet sunset or kids playing on a beach will do. It’s a poor cousin to the better known “insert”. So there.
You might have wondered why Keira Knightley will never have to endure a “Jane Russell”, a shot framed across the middle of the chest. Keira is pretty safe on that one. If anyone under the age of 40 uses that expression over a frothy coffee, they are a fake.
Ever been to a “Perrier meeting”? The smart and the chic will explain that this is a meeting (usually of little significance) that lasts only until your water glass is empty.
What about that guy over there, the one with the “Warner Bros haircut”? Excuse me! In days of old, this was a close-up framed just below the hat line, a virtually obsolete victim of the defunct Warner Bros western.
So, essentially, in order to be a true clever clogs, to perch yourself comfortably in the middle of the Groucho Club or Soho House and confidently relate that hysterical anecdote from the day you met Brad Pitt on Troy, put yourself in touch with an authoritative film dictionary.
Tony Bill, the Oscar-winning producer of The Sting, has penned a hugely entertaining glossary of hundreds of vital movie set terms which should appeal to movie buffs, film students and would-be starlets alike.
California-based Bill already has the support of Steven Spielberg, no less, who says of his work: “Movie Speak won’t guarantee you a job, but having a knowledge of the industry terms will fool everyone into thinking you own the place.”
His highly amusing linguistic stroll through Hollywood patois also offers assists to writers through “twelve things not to do when sending a script out” and some excellent recommended reading for those hell bent on the screen trade as their particular stairway to heaven.
For the record, if anyone should give you a “yelling down” in the office tomorrow, just borrow a line from the legendary sound mixer Buzz Knudsen who, while being dressed down by a studio suit for going way over budget, calmly replied: “Paul, you’re yelling down. You should be yelling up.” By which he meant hands off the underlings, go moan to the big guys!
Success and stardom? It’s all in the lingo.
Ivan Waterman
