The Noughties: Was That It?
BBC 3
Wonderland
BBC 2
Good grief, the “noughties” are nearly over and I was hardly even used to them. This is the time of year when I usually scour the television schedules for “round-up of the year” shows to try to orientate myself and prepare for the ghastliness of the next one. But have you noticed how scarce these TV shows are becoming? No more serious rewinds of the big news stories of the past 12 months on mainstream telly – not even a satirical romp through recent human folly in the style of Clive James. No, these days we have to endure the queasy delights of some kind of “quiz of the year”, usually pitting 15-year-old hairdressers again. Mensa members for the title of current affairs “champion”, presided over by alleged comedian Jimmy Carr. Slipping into an amnesiac coma seems appealing by comparison.
If you’re very obsessive (like me), you could try trawling through the digital schedules any time from September onwards to find a more straightforward retro experience. That’s how I stumbled upon The Noughties: Was That It? on BBC 3. Good, I thought, here’s something that will make sense of a whole decade in one sitting. After two-and-a-half hours of being bombarded by the (mostly) trivial nostalgia of the past 10 years, however, I wish I’d decided to lay in strong drink and opt for Jimmy Carr instead. Twitter, satnav, Asbos, binge drinking, Wags, chavs, flash mobs, David Cameron, kabbalah, coffee shops, chuggers, bloggers, hoodies, eBay, TV property shows, metrosexuals, guyliner and the rise of China as a manufacturing giant. There, I’ve said it. I’m exhausted already and this is only episode one of the five-hour marathon.
The obligatory talking heads passing comments both flippant and (occasionally) serious, included usual suspects such as Germaine Greer, James Brown of Loaded magazine, Brian Sewell and assorted finalists from The X-Factor. The tone was relentlessly superficial throughout, managing to reach the end of programme one without even mentioning the Iraq War.
Religious fundamentalism was referred to in passing before hurrying on to discuss the burning issue of atheist messages on the side of London buses. Perhaps all the serious stuff is in episode two, but I simply can’t take any more. Hey ho. It seems I shall just have to re-read my recent back issues of Tribune and I urge you all to do the same.
Don’t get too intellectual about it, though. You could end up like some of the poor souls featured in series two of the eccentricity documenatary series Wonderland. In the episode devoted to members of past winning teams of University Challenge, the producers had selected as case studies only those individuals who were a) lonely b) weird c) celibate and d) with terrible teeth.
There is doubtless another programme to be made interviewing members of triumphant college teams who were boringly well-balanced, married and enjoying successful careers. But here the focus fell on strange muttering academics and ex-alcoholics, a middle-aged woman into Morris dancing and a biochemist who actually volunteered to kiss Anne Widdecombe.
And the moral of the story? You can be too clever by half. Happily, my old college took on University Challenge with that famous team of clueless female bimbos which so exasperated Jeremy Paxman. Hurrah.
Helen Chappell
