Tribune – Comment, news and reviews from Britain's democratic left

Tory Westminster hopeful Angie Bray has made a bit of a bloomer in her attempts to secure the three-way marginal seat of Ealing Central and Acton in west London. Former press officer Angie, known as “jolly hockey sticks” because of her bossy head of school manner, has sent out a glossy eight-page leaflet to constituents without paying sufficient postage. So that’s £1 from every voter who accepts the Royal Mail invite to collect their undeliverable package of propaganda.

Picture the scene: it’s the inner sanctum of Number 10 and one of the Prime Minister’s downtrodden minions has finally snapped. “It’s your effing policies that have ruined the country and I’m just not going to take it any more, you bullying fruitcake. You can shove my job where the sun doesn’t shine.” Or words to that effect. And with that, he storms outside. “Good morning, Chancellor”, says the policeman guarding the door. Yes, some duplicitous rascals have accused Downing Steet of having a bullying culture. They must be hunted down, given a Chinese burn, have their dinner money extracted from them and their heads flushed down the toilet. Not flash. Just Gordon. Or should that be “Flashman Gordon”?

The UK Independence Party has targeted its natural area of support and is pitching for the criminal vote. Its “specific policies” on rail says: “We will abolish the penalty fares regime which too often persecutes honest rail users.” Nudge, nudge, wink, wink – vote for the loonies and it’s a triumph for the fare-dodging community. When it is swept to power, however, UKIP will end free bus passes. But who cares? Pensioners can dodge a fare as well as anyone.