Tory Westminster hopeful Angie Bray has made a bit of a bloomer in her attempts to secure the three-way marginal seat of Ealing Central and Acton in west London. Former press officer Angie, known as “jolly hockey sticks” because of her bossy head of school manner, has sent out a glossy eight-page leaflet to constituents without paying sufficient postage. So that’s £1 from every voter who accepts the Royal Mail invite to collect their undeliverable package of propaganda.
diary
Official: Tory candidates cost you more
Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010Does Gordon flush people’s heads down the toilet?
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010Picture the scene: it’s the inner sanctum of Number 10 and one of the Prime Minister’s downtrodden minions has finally snapped. “It’s your effing policies that have ruined the country and I’m just not going to take it any more, you bullying fruitcake. You can shove my job where the sun doesn’t shine.” Or words to that effect. And with that, he storms outside. “Good morning, Chancellor”, says the policeman guarding the door. Yes, some duplicitous rascals have accused Downing Steet of having a bullying culture. They must be hunted down, given a Chinese burn, have their dinner money extracted from them and their heads flushed down the toilet. Not flash. Just Gordon. Or should that be “Flashman Gordon”?
UKIP: pitching for the criminal vote
Monday, March 1st, 2010The UK Independence Party has targeted its natural area of support and is pitching for the criminal vote. Its “specific policies” on rail says: “We will abolish the penalty fares regime which too often persecutes honest rail users.” Nudge, nudge, wink, wink – vote for the loonies and it’s a triumph for the fare-dodging community. When it is swept to power, however, UKIP will end free bus passes. But who cares? Pensioners can dodge a fare as well as anyone.
Dance of death as democracy dawns
Monday, March 1st, 2010Iraq’s second free parliamentary elections are approaching, but the country still needs all the friends it can get, says Gary Kent
Sunday, February 28th, 2010
The Tory leader will have to console himself with less illustrious friends back home – such as lapdancing club owner Peter Stringfellow. The ageing lothario helped to swell the Tory leader’s election coffers with the donation of a dinner for six at his London venue. The “prize” sold for several thousand when it was auctioned [...]
Saturday, February 27th, 2010
David Cameron has reportedly given up on his office’s desperate efforts to get him an audience with President Obama in time for a vote-boosting handshake before the general election. The pair met over a cup of tea at the American ambassador’s home in London last April. But since then all pleas for a meeting in [...]
Friday, February 26th, 2010
Prince Charles has raised hackles at the Department of Health, just one of several Government departments the heir to the throne has been bothering with hare-brained schemes for running various bits of the country in the absence of a proper job. Busy Secretary of State Andy Burnham and senior civil servants have had to divert [...]
Monday, February 22nd, 2010
According to the Tories’ “attack document” entitled Labour’s Two Nations, women under 18 are “three times more likely to fall pregnant in the most deprived areas compared to the least deprived areas. In the most deprived areas, 54 per cent are likely to fall pregnant before the age of 18, compared to just 19 per [...]
Saturday, February 20th, 2010
Doctor Who aficionados who feel the series was pants in the 1980s may have to think again. It seems that the Time Lord was at war with an enemy far more fearsome than the Daleks: Margaret Thatcher. According to Sylvester McCoy, who played The Doctor at the time: “Doctor Who used satire to put political [...]
Thursday, February 18th, 2010
Jack Dromey would be a more than adequate MP. But this doesn’t mean he should do it. It would look as if he had got the job because of who he is married to. It would look as if he had lined himself up a nice post-retirement life because he had the connections. It would [...]